By Mona Ayoub
Winter started early this year…
As kids, I and my sisters used to
celebrate the “first drops of rain”. It was one of our favorite “eids”. We
used to go down the street not caring about anything, crazily running and laughing
until my dad calls us back home. Winter was always my favorite season: the dark
clouds, the lightning, the thunder, the rainbows, the sound of the rain… nothing
can be more beautiful.
Despite my immense joy under the rain
then, I was never able once to “live the moment”. As a child, my mind was
always occupied with something…. related to “my future”. My sister’s words still echo in my mind: “hello,
wen sara7te?” … alarming me that I’ve slipped into those “moments” when I
get disconnected from the present and travel somewhere to the future thinking
about college, accomplishments, challenges … and my “prince charming” maybe.
Here I am now. Rain drops tapping my window. Lightning is
flashing and thunder is roaring. The sky is filled with dark clouds. The same
beauty I always admired, but I can’t go down the street anymore with my sisters
to celebrate the first drops of rain…
Here I am now. Some of my childhood dreams came true. Others
didn’t. Others no more count. My life
now is way different from the one I imagined in those “disconnection” moments
when I was a child. But it’s beautiful the way it is. It’s not perfect mind
you. I regret some decisions I took. I had (and will) have my share of pain and
disappointments.
Despite that, my life is beautiful… the way it
is. If I only knew how beautiful it would be, I would have run and laughed more
on my “first drops of rain” eids. I would have enjoyed the colors of the
rainbow instead of thinking of the pot of gold at the end of it.
I appreciate my life because I now
realize that we’re destined to never reach that “pot of gold” in this
world regardless of how much we try….
“Don’t feel in a hurry to get
anywhere because you will never reach paradise until you die”- Anonymous
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