By Maryah Damlaj
In his book:
“Winning with People”, John Maxwell, describes several different principles and
tactics to help people develop genuine and strong relationships. One of these
principles is the charismatic principle. The following are the ways that
help you in becoming an influential charismatic person:
1. Become genuinely interested in other people
People don’t care how much you know
until they know how much you care;
2. Smile
If you want to draw others to you,
light up your face with a smile;
3. Remember names
A person’s name is the sweetest and
most important sound to that person;
4. Be a good listener
Encourage others to talk about themselves;
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests
Treat others the way they want
to be treated;
6. Make the other person
feel important
Become sincerely interested in others.
1. Become genuinely interested in other people
Eventhough his duties and obligations
were almost indefinite, Muhammad, peace be upon him, kept a unique spot in his
heart for every single person in his life. He tolerated everyone and he was
known with his good-nature. This might seem ordinary for some people, but have
a look at this: During the last minutes before his death, with his mouth becoming blue, and TEARS IN HIS EYES, he
uttered: "Ummatii Ummatii, Ummatii" " My People, My People, My
People". Do you imagine yourself weeping hardly and sniveling over people
who you haven’t even met? And when? At the moment where you felt you were going
to breathe your last breath?
Even the
prominent writer George Bernard Shaw said: "He must be called the
Savior of Humanity. I believe that if a man like him were to assume the
dictatorship of the modern world, he would succeed in solving its problems in a
way that would bring it much needed peace and happiness."
2. Smile
Regarding the second point of the charismatic
principle, ‘Abdullaah bin Al-Haarith, may Allah
be pleased with him, said, “I have never seen anyone who smiles more than the
Prophet, peace be upon him” (Tirmidhi). It is to the extent that every
companion thought that he was the prophet’s favorite. Sincerely, this quotation
speaks for itself.
3. Remember names
About Maxwell’s third point, Muhammad,
peace be upon him, did not merely remember names, he also used to confer
inspirational titles to his companions. These titles were not spontaneous;
rather directed at strengths and talents. This tactic hits not just two birds
with one stone, but three birds: it catches people’s attention, it flatters
them, and most importantly: it empowers them to invest in their talent. This
indeed is the key aspect of any powerful leader. An example to illustrate this
is the following: He told Abu `Ubayhdah ibn al-Jarrah (a skillful warrior):
"You are the protector of this nation." Another example is assigning
Bilal Bin Rabah as the official mu’addin.
Showing gratitude to people for their
endurance and their efforts is extremely essential in Islam. The second verse
in the Qur’an is: “All the praises and thanks be to Allah”(1:2). Doesn’t this
as well stress on the importance on showing acknowledgement to both God and
then the creatures of God? If everyone of us starts praising other people for
their good actions, then don’t you think that a cycle of empowerment would be
created in the community?
4. Be a good listener
Being a good listener is not an easy
task. That is why often there are educational sessions; one could attend to improve
his/her “active listening”. This is not restricted to simply listening
to the words being iterated! It requires both verbal and nonverbal response, interaction,
and empathetic support to what has been articulated, all from the listener’s
behalf. This is why people often do not dispose their emotions and feelings to
people except to those they trust. Allah has described him in the Holy Qur’an
as: "He listens to what is best for you: he believes in Allah, has faith
in the Believers, and is a Mercy to those of you who believe" (9:61).
There are hundreds of examples in the
biography of the prophet PBUH, on listening strategies that he used to exhibit.
It is narrated that a poor old lady once told him that she desperately needed
to talk to him about a problem. He comforted her by saying that he is prepared
to meet her anywhere and on any road of the city (Madina) to discuss the matter
that worried her.
5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interests
The prophet peace be upon him did not
merely talk in terms of people’s interests. He also acted in parallel to
peoples’ interests. Have a look at this: Anas Ibn Maalik (May Allah Be Pleased with
him), who served the Prophet for ten years in his house said, "He
would listen carefully and attentively to questions or requests. He shifted his
focus only after the person in need directed it away or the person left his
presence. He held on to the hand that greeted him and waited for the other
person to withdraw first. He shook the hand of anybody who extended it."
(Abu Nu'aim).
Backbiting
and gossip was never part of his articulations. Aisha related that at receiving
news of the wickedness of an individual, the Prophet would ask, 'Why do people
transmit such tales?' without accusing the messenger himself (Tirmidhi).
6. Make the other person
feel important
Last but not least, make the other person
feel important. There are hundreds of stories about Prophet Muhammad, which
prove this. A very obvious example would be this: "A woman from the people of Madeenah who was partially insane
said to the Prophet (peace be upon him): ‘I have to ask you [your help] about
something.’ He helped her and took care of her needs." Him helping the
mentally ill is something we should truly remember, in a society where the
mentally ill and impaired people are often looked down upon.
Note that the key points about all the
factors mentioned above, are mercy and modesty. “And We have not sent you {O
Muhammad}, except as a mercy to the worlds” (21:107). So ask yourself, as a created
human being as God has already asked you: “…will you not reason”?! (2:44).
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